Why Your “If We Only Had Danny Briere” Drives Me Nuts

Why Your “If We Only Had Danny Briere” Drives Me Nuts

Now’s not the best time for me to talk about Danny Briere, but to be fair it hasn’t been the right time for me in, oh, about four years. You see, I was with you for that first year of “woe-is-us” after Danny packed up his stuff and left, even though I was far

"Danny Gare now or Danny Gare 1974?"

more interested in keeping Chris Drury. Now, I’m just sick of it. He’s an annoying pest of a super-clutch hockey player who suits up for a team I like just slightly more than the Black Plague. I’m no Darcy Regier fan, but the only time I want to hear Darcy and Danny in the same Sabres sentence again is, “Who would win in a fight: Danny Gare or Darcy Wakaluk?”

Here’s a comparison that worked for a few Sabres fans on Twitter after Briere scored another of his game-winning playoff goals:

“Briere for me is like an ex-girlfriend you’re over but your friends won’t stop talking about.

“Remember how hot she was?”

“Yep. I dated her”

I know absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I’m continually amazed at how Briere’s absence from Buffalo has folded over into an obsession that would blow the minds of TV cops. It’s even more absurd than the acting on this season’s “Law & Order: SVU” (As an aside, is it possible Chris Meloni was entirely responsible for keeping the writers and actors in check with a series of “Are you effing kidding me?s” each season during the writing process? Could anyone at NBC have expected the show to become this ludicrous?)

I’m not debating that the Sabres would’ve been better off keeping him around past the 2006-07 flame-out, but let’s not pretend everyone loved him while he was here. Briere’s Buffalo death is turning him into some sort of halfway-decent rock musician who’s become a legend simply by not making more product.

This is a guy who co-captained the biggest disappointment in Buffalo Sabres history and picked up a whole three goals in his final playoff run with Buffalo. He’s a guy who was in an NHL-distributed video on the definition of diving. He’s put up regular season stat lines in Philadelphia that would’ve had him burnt in effigy should he have received that contract with Buffalo. In the year after Briere split town — still his choice, by the way — Derek Roy had more points than him. Briere’s best regular season point total is one point less than Jason Pominville had this season. He regularly took nights off in Buffalo, back-checked about as hard as Max Afinogenov and was Roy’s mentor.

Back to the ex-girlfriend thing (or boyfriend, if you like). You remember that Briere used to take you out to dinner, but forget that he constantly played with his iPhone. You wistfully recall the time he bought you flowers, but never mention how he would ignore you for hours if he didn’t get his way. You picture what your kids would’ve looked like, but forget that he never proposed.

When was the last time you high-fived yourself because Chris Drury isn’t on a massive contract with the Sabres? Do you often think, “if only Chris stayed here and produced very little?” No, because he’s gone.

Yes, he’s super good. He’s might become a Hall of Famer. But he’s a Flyer. And I’m over it.

Email: nick@fcbuffalo.org

7 Responses to Why Your “If We Only Had Danny Briere” Drives Me Nuts

  1. Philip says:

    Nick, you may want to check your math on Briere’s best regular season point total, unless you meant to imply “since leaving Buffalo”. Otherwise, I like the cut of your jib.

  2. Paul Lane says:

    Perfectly stated. We weren’t like this when Tom Barrasso was winning Stanley Cups in Pittsburgh, but we are with Danny. Sure, he meant a lot, but time to let go.

  3. Joe Buffalo says:

    You had me up until you started dragging #48 through the mud and comparing him to Derek Roy. Come on. Id take the “Biggest disappointment” year (I think that’s a stretch) over the last 5 yrs any day of the week. Sure, some of the ghosts of Briere past has to do with the city’s sports mindset about how we are destined to fail and loving to hate, but the guy is the fucken man. He scores in clutch moments and has more playoff goals than the franchise has since he bounced. The bottom line is that he was a hot ass girlfriend and we are stuck on Match.com for the last 5 yrs looking at porn bots. Find a replacement and most of us will move on.

  4. James says:

    I don’t even fixate on Briere as much as some fans I know and I was a “Briere guy” that was resigned to the fact that the Sabres would choose to try and keep Drury over him after the way his arbitration case played out.

    I’m much more interested in whether Cody Hodgson can become Briere v2.0.

  5. Josh says:

    “The bottom line is that he was a hot ass girlfriend and we are stuck on Match.com for the last 5 yrs looking at porn bots. Find a replacement and most of us will move on.”

    Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

  6. Josh says:

    this article is crap.

    Danny Briere, whether you, Nick, like it or not, should be sought after by the Sabres organization.

    Contending for Lord’s Stanley’s Cup isn’t a freaking popularity contest, nor is it about the past, since you can’t change it.

    It’s about the here and now, and the future.

    Danny Briere should be coveted by Regier and Pegula should force the issue.

    • Nick says:

      You remember when Pegula and Black oversaw Briere and Drury leaving? Nope? Because they didn’t… and if you want to believe Darcy Regier didn’t want to keep his two best centers, you’re out of your mind.